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My Big Red Couch

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Knitted digestive tract

I have lovely friends. I share things, sometimes (oftentimes) strange things with my lovely friends. Things like this.

I forwarded this with the message "Entrails for the whole family. This is what I want for Christmas!"

Here are the comments my lovely friends had to share about this.

"Be careful what you wish for! A quick search on Ebay might yield such a treasure. Lucky, lucky you. - Krista"

"You could glue a plastic cap to the tip of a four-foot long piece of reel-to-reel tape and play 'Help the Tapeworm Throught The Tract!' - Sparkyspice"

I (suprisingly, or not) got no reply from Jamie.

Instructions to make your own.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

TV Time

Jamie and I, along with our friend Doug, were on Channel 2's 2 Your Health segment tonight talking about Men Against Breast Cancer.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Mrs Picasohead

Pre-coffee, sans glasses. She assembled this, not me.

Her photoblog.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


I didn't get too abstract with this because I'm beginning (or reawakening) a cold so this is all the art you get from me tonight.

This image was absconded from (aka created at) Mr. Picassohead by way of Newmania! who has some great social activism links and a generally warped yet realistic view.

I want a Fez for Halloween. I don't want a $2 costume shop Fez. I want an authintic turkish fez that I can adorn with something other than shriner bangles (not that I have anything against shriners; it's just not my gig). I was high bidder on an eBay Fez but I cannot bring myself to spend more than $10 so I lost at about $10.01. So much for conviction. I need a monocle and a Fez for my Halloween costume. Anybody want to make a donation to the "Keep Jon Dressed Funny" fund?


Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

He kept his mouth tightly shut, a mouth he had never known he had. He had only begun to see the horror that was befalling him. Recalcitrant for naught the blade ended his reluctance. His anguished cry came in a foreign voice from a mouth newly formed.

Note: The role of Pumpkin was specifically cast as a male because of the knife wielding woman in the photo and there is no gender bias expressed or implied. (I'm brushing up on my legaleze :-p)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

40 Reasons Why I Probably Will Never Become a Civil Engineer

S.H. 75 (N. Central Expressway) at US 635 in Dallas. The ramps go every which way and they soar through the air. We had spent most of our time on 75 going back and forth under 635 and Saturday, after the race, we went first to Grapevine, then to Fort Worth, then hooked south of Dallas on 635 back to 75. We got about 1/3 of the way onto the rollercoaster ramp from 635 West back to 75 South and I said to Jamie "This is the high ass ramp we've been going under for the past three days." Not an exact quote but Jamie said something like "Holy Shit!" And the guard rail is less like anything protective and more like a curb. I have driven over curbs. Often.

PS - I'm from earthquake country. That's why I don't like heights.

PSS - God bless Google (hybrid) Maps. Where were you when we needed you in Dallas?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Grassy Knoll

I would like to tell you that I ran my bare nekkid toes through the grass on the knoll but I didn't. I had flip flops on and I came close, oh so close, but I didn't do it. I thought about it as I walked away. "I'll be able to tell my grandkids that I walked barefoot on the grassy knoll," but I didn't. I should have.

Bronze Dealy Plaza
Simulated grassy knoll in bronze.

Up at the corner a guy with a backpack accosted us, well, more like informed us aggressively, that there was a conspiracy museum a few blocks away. We headed that way with little intention.

We wandered up the street and around the corner and were confronted with this:

Dallas JFK Memorial

Guy comes to town. Guy gets shot in the head and killed. Guy gets concrete cube dedicated to him. What a gyp.

If none of that makes any sense let me fill in the blanks: we were in Dallas.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Land Shark

Tonight Jamie and I both photographed some early 60's Chryslers out in Eagle River for my Stoplight feature in The PRESS.

My art photo of the fin, from the rear, of a 1961 Chrylser Newport.

We're off to Dallas and the Race for the Cure. No blogging till Monday (unless we get really, really bored but I'm sure we will be able to find something to do in Dallas).

Gone 7 Days

On my way home from work I stopped by the dog pound to look for Bobbie. She escaped last Monday night. I walked through the pound, scanning the cages; no Bobbie. I went to the front counter and looked at the row of binders: Lost Cats, Found Cats, Lost Dogs, Found Dogs, D.O.A. I chose Found Dogs.

First dog in the book. Yellow Lab, Choke collar, found on Dowling Road where it becomes Potter Road. Not Bobbie. I turn the page and my blood began to race. The pictures on the back of the page were Bobbie. Yellow Lab? Choke collar? Found halfway across town?


1) She's a lab mix but with coarse hair and when I adopted her she was listed as a Husky mix.
2) She got out without a collar. If she was found with a choke chain then somebody picked her up and she escaped from them.
3) Dowling where it becomes Potter is 7.1 miles from our house. Granted, she was gone for a week, but 7.1 miles and at least one major highway to cross. Damn.

I took the people's phone number and, because I didn't have my phone with me, called them when I got home. It was busy. I called back about 10 minutes later. Still busy. I called about 10 minutes later and got an answering machine.

A few minutes before 10 last night the phone rang and it was the woman who had Bobbie. She asked me to describe her so I did. She gave me her address and I went and got her.

I wonder what she has seen and done. I wonder what she ate for a week. I wonder who picked her up and how she got away. I wonder if she had any close encounters with traffic or wildlife. I wonder if she spent a week eating fish guts along the creeks around town. I wonder...

I am relieved. I have had Bobbie for ten years. When I didn't have anybody I had Bobbie. My prenuptual agreement with Jamie is I get my dog and my motorcycle and she gets everything else. I'm greatful that she didn't dissapear into the woods or get hit by a car.

And we all lived happily ever after (exept for Jamie who was ambivalent about the whole deal but she can tell you about that on HER blog if she wants to).

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Logan and the Spider

One of the great joys in my life is helping out at Madeleine's school. Kids are awesome because the world is almost always so amazing to them. One of my goals in life is to keep, as much as I can, that childish perspective.

This afternoon about 3 o'clock Mad's class went outside to enjoy the remainder of the school day on the playground (school is out at 3:30). At 3:25 Ms. B had the class line up to get ready to leave.

Logan was standing a couple kids infront of Madeleine and I and I said to him, "Dude! You've got a gigantic spider on your shoulder!"

He turned around, looked at me and gave me one of those "yeah, whatever, you can't trick me, I'm smarter than you" looks. All the girls around us looked at him and began to scream.

He just about came out of his skin when I plucked the Daddy Long Legs off him :-D

My good (or evil?) deed for the day.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Legal Name Change

I am petitioning the court to change my name to Country Song and here is why.

Last week a random rock came in the window of my truck and knocked out half of one of my teeth. Last night my old dog (somewhere between 10 and 13 years old; I've lost count) ran away. I fully expect that within the next week either my wife will leave me or my trailer house will be reposessed.

My life is BECOMING a country song so I might as well change my name. Besides, Jamie and I will be in Dallas next week. I might as well try to fit in.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Get Firefox!

I have been using Firefox exclusively at home (on the laptop) and mostly at work for about 6 months now and I recommend it to everybody. It is the best web browser anywhere and it's free.

Get Firefox!

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