Legal Name Change

I am petitioning the court to change my name to Country Song and here is why.

Last week a random rock came in the window of my truck and knocked out half of one of my teeth. Last night my old dog (somewhere between 10 and 13 years old; I've lost count) ran away. I fully expect that within the next week either my wife will leave me or my trailer house will be reposessed.

My life is BECOMING a country song so I might as well change my name. Besides, Jamie and I will be in Dallas next week. I might as well try to fit in.