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My Big Red Couch

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

You Can't Write Comedy This Good...

Tonight at 11:30 on the Sundance Channel:

Well, maybe it's not that funny but "The Last Temptation of Chris..." with all that trailing empty space and just one consonant that needs to go in there. Come on.

I'm going to make a movie and call it that. Then what will "they" do? Hmmm?

I'm Growing a Beard

Husband (aka Bearded Jon)
Originally uploaded by jamie in alaska.

Stop me if you've already heard this one.

This is a true story (but where you find the truth in it is subjective).

I get asked constantly how long it took me to grow my beard and this is the answer I have come up with: "7 weeks."

Unbelieveable, right? Here is my secret.

"Miracle Grow and Viagra smushed together in my hand and rubbed liberally on my chin and it shot straight out. Of course it was stiff for the first 5 weeks (whispered: that was probably the Viagra)." Rimshot!

I'll be here all week. The tip jar is on the corner of the stage. Thank you. Thank you.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Vonnegut Rules

Martini (Bar)
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Bonnie made a joke now as she served him his martini. She made the same joke anytime she served anybody a martini. “Breakfast of Champions,” she said.

- Bonnie MacMahon, in the cocktail lounge of the Holiday Inn in Kurt Vonnegut, Jr’s Breakfast of Champions

Friday, November 25, 2005

Snow Trellis

Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

I have been photoblogging more and textblogging less. Now I plan to merge the two. Every photo only tells part of the story so I will endeavor to blog the Paul Harvey version that the photo doesn't cover.

I liked the symmetry of the snow on the trellis so I captured it digitally.

This is how it looked last weekend when the snow first started coming down.

I built this trellis in the back yard a few years ago. It started as a place to hang the hammock but the hammock has since died. Now we set the swing we got from Dean & JoAnne under it. The swing lost it's top in a wind storm and the trellis provides little, if any, rain protection so the swing is mostly soaked and only the kids usually sit on it. This is what it looked like before the hammock died.

At the State Fair of Texas Jamie saw a similar trellis but it had an addition. I think ours will probably end up with a similar addition this coming Spring.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Just one example...

... why I consider Christopher Moore a great writer:

"Theo looked over at Gabe's ex-girlfriend, considered her heels, the stockings, the makeup, the hair, the lines of her suit, her nose, her hips, and felt like he was looking at a sports car that he could not afford, would not know how to drive, and he could only envision himself entangled in the wreckage of, wrapped around a telephone pole."

from The Stupidest Angel, A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror, early in Chapter 14

Friday, November 18, 2005

I Have A Fez and You Don't

I Have A Fez and You Don't
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Ok. So maybe you do have a fez. But I DEFINATELY have a fez and I know that some of you who are near and dear to me DO NOT! Pppthpt!

Backstory: I drew a Mr.PicassoHead called Fezzle and commented that I have always wanted a fez. Be careful what you ask for; you just might get it.

Jamie said it looked like it had a tassle in the photograph on eBay (yet another eBay purchase). It does not. I think we're headed to Michaels or JoAnn Fabrics tomorrow to make the first Fez Mod. Stay tuned for updates.

Monday, November 14, 2005


LibraryThing | Catalog your books online

My new favorite pastime; trying to remember every book I have ever read and making note of it at Library Thing


Originally uploaded by jamie in alaska.

What the hell is Jamie doing taking pictures of the side of my head. It's certainly not my best feature (or is it and I am just being vain). Damn you woman. DAMN YOU!!! I shall have my revenge. Be warned. Keep your knees covered.

Revenge be had: Earring

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Should I quit my day job and go to art school?

I'm no VanGogh but here is my submission to the eye:hand project.

Look at what other have submitted at Flickr: Photos from the eye:hand project.

And to all of you who may laugh in the name of art, I double dog dare you to try it. My next go at art just might be a Velvet Elvis.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz of the Day / Week / Month

Inside season is upon us (and by inside season I mean its freakin' cold out so we're in for the winter for the most part). Jamie and I have been spending quality time on the Ginormous Brown Reclining Sectional with dual remotes fully charged switching between cable TV and DVDs. We have visually devoured Crash, Memento, The Motorcycle Diaries, You, Me and Everyone We Know and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in the past 10 days.

Being in a movie mode and having a plethora of Soundtrack CDs readily at hand I gave a Pop (culture) Quiz in class today. The class I teach has very little, if anything, to do with popular culture. I gave this quiz instead of a mid-term exam because it's not that kind of class and I promised a mid-term and I didn't want to disappoint while putting on an aire of disappointment (for the kids). Like most of my test questions, the answer is subjective rather than objective so there is really no such thing as a wrong answer, unless you are Paul.

Here is the quiz, which I ask all of you to answer. What is the best movie ever based on the following criteria in this order: 1) the best soundtrack and 2) a good, if not great, story.

My three answers I had coming into class were 1) Repo Man, 2) The Crow and 3) True Stories. All have quality soundtracks and good stories.

Some of the movies I got as answers in class were Boondock Saints, Heavy Metal and The Lion King (which was Paul's wrong answer). I got home and asked Jamie and her answer was To Live and Die in LA (which I do have the CD soundtrack of and I do love although I called her a suck ass for using the only soundtrack she knows I know she knows I have).

So random, or not so random, visitor, what is your answer?

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