My Big Red Couch

Blogging ain't what it used to be...

2012-01-28T20:39:00.004-09:00

I haven't blogged in over (insert math here). I do a lot and haven't taken time to blog.

New plan: blog what I've accomplished daily/weekly/monthly. We'll see how this goes.

Saturday, Jan 28th - Judged at West HS Drama, Debate and Forensics Tournament
Installed some missing bookshelf trim in the bedroom
Upgraded my microphone boom with a thumb screw and a wing nut

Thursday, Jan 26th - Object Runway 3 art fashion show (attended after helping getting
my models dressed and made-up)

Wednesday, January 25th - spent a couple hours at Vieve's school teaching storytelling through
"The Story Game".

Evenings last week - I worked on my two outfits for Object Runway

Tuesday, Jan 24th - Filmed Sarah Davies and her models for my Object Runway documentary

Monday, Jan 23rd - Filmed Thomas Higgins and his model for my Object Runway documentary

Monday and Wednesday - taught some Boundary Law at UAA

Upcoming this week: developing film projects for 12x12in2012, shooting post interviews for the Object Runway documentary, attending a few First Friday openings (including Object Runway at Anchorage International Gallery of Contemporary Art)

Bike Log - Week 1

2010-05-10T05:33:00.004-08:00

May 2 - 8

The week I started riding. A lot. Sunday I did a test ride from home to work and back with a 19 mile round trip that took me about 2 and a half hours on my fixed gear cruiser. I repeated the loop Monday and, due to errands and other considerations, only made it from home to work on Tuesday.

Things got serious when we bought new bikes, Giant TranSends, on Thursday. My first riding with my new metallic orange bike didn't happen until Saturday when I went up to Kaladi Bros. with Jamie for morning coffee then to Out North to usher in the evening.

Statistics for week One:

Sunday - 19 miles

Monday - 19 miles

Tuesday - 9 miles

Saturday - 11 miles

Total - 58 miles

Mexican Adventures of Sam the Pitbull

2010-03-03T15:28:00.003-09:00

Once upon a time there was a pitbull named Sam. He took a cruise to Mexico with a wonderful gentleman named
Señor Alberto Machismo. The gentlemen liked to, well, lets just say, dress Sam up a bit.

In Cabo San Lucas Señor Alberto dressed Sam up in a great big sombrero but something was not quite right. Sam was not happy.

In Puerto Vallarta Señor Alberto dressed Sam up in a tiny orange sombrero but something was still not right. Sam was not happy.

In Mazatlan, where everybody is in fact quite tan, Señor Alberto found a tiny pink sombrero for Sam and Sam was a happy happy pitbull indeed.

The end!

He + Art = Heart

2010-01-11T11:23:00.004-09:00

In a world of soul-less corporations where is the heart? And where is the culture?

I'm white. I'm cultureless. I rant and I ramble and I say a whole lot about nothing.

I do have culture. My culture is bracketed by fast food restaurants and reality TV, satellite entertainment with unlimited channels of infomercials for things that I neither want nor need and top 40 radio that has no bearing on my milk toast suburban existence.

I'm not a human being. I'm a human doing. I have to live rather than watch the lives of others on the box on the wall filled with limitless fluff. I need to create my own narrative that defies the soap operas spoon fed to us by the media, be it drama or news.

Do. Not be.

Live and love and grow and make.

(Note: I'm cleaning off my desk and I found this rant I wrote an Under 30 workshop last summer with visiting artist Tim Miller.)

2009 - Things I Did

2010-01-02T12:00:00.007-09:00

Kind of a laudry list of things that I either accomplished, am proud of or don't want to forget:

I participated in the Alaska Overnighters (plays written and staged in 24 hours) again.

I taught two semesters of Boundary Law in the Geomatics Department of the School of Engineering at the University of Alaska, Anchorage (UAA) [Spring 2009 and Fall 2009]

I performed in TBA Theatre's production of Romeo and Juliet as Lord Montague.

I remodeled the downstairs of the house after the Great February Flood [February through May 2009]

I had a photograph published in a book: Messages to Obama (the photo) A Message for Obama(the book) [published Spring 2009]

Participated in the Green Court of the 3 Barons Renaissance Fair [June 2009]

I finally made a movie (something I had been trying to do for a couple years): Fast Food - Official Snow Dance Selection of the 2009 Anchorage International Film Festival (AIFF) [December 2009]

I get back into sailing and as a family we joined the Alaska Sailing Club up at Big Lake and won my first race (2009 Governor's Cup - Big Boats) [Summer/Fall 2009]

I took a welding class (Welding 101) [Fall 2009]

I co-starred in an awesome musical with an awesomely talented group of friends, new and old atCyrano's Off-Center Playhouse in Bark! The Musical. [December 2009]

I made a movie in less than 5 days: The Perils of Technology - AIFF Quick Freeze Runner Up[December 2009]

I wrote a performance art piece and brought it to the stage, Radio, part of Under 30 (performance pieces 30 minutes in length or less) at Out North [December 2009]

I might have done more. I'll update as (if) I remember.

Fast Food on YouTube

2009-12-12T11:38:00.003-09:00

Now that Fast Food has premiered on the medium screen (the Anchorage Museum doesn't have a huge movie theater screen) I have posted it to YouTube.

Take a look and, if you've got the time, give me

some feedback.

Fast Food - Screening

2009-11-23T16:21:00.001-09:00

Fast Food will screen 6pm Friday, December 11th at the Anchorage Museum as part of the Snowdance 5 program. The complete Anchorage International Film Festival schedule is HERE.

Fast Food - The Trailer

2009-10-13T23:18:00.002-08:00

Fast Food - The Trailer
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon

This summer I made a movie. Tonight I made a trailer for it. If you think the trailer is short at :30 seconds the film is only 7:49 with credits and I still managed to only tease the good bits.

Please watch this and let me know what you think.

I've been crying for hours...

2009-10-05T22:02:00.003-08:00

because of this God forsaken website: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

But I'm OK with that.

Naked on a Wednesday After 100,000 Miles

2009-09-02T15:34:00.004-08:00

Yep. Its true. But it isn't exactly like it sounds.

Yes it is Wednesday. And yes, I am naked in the sense that I left my cell phone at home this morning. You know that little niggling feeling you get when you leave the house and you know you've forgotten something, but it isn't enough of a feeling to make you actually go back inside and double check your mental list of "what did I leave where"? I got about four miles out from the house when I realized it was my cell phone that was missing. Just far enough that I wasn't turning back for it. This must be how newborns feel right after the umbilical is cut; right when they take their first poop on their own.

So I'm naked and on my way to school my silver truck turned 100,000 miles. Monumental? Probably not. A clunker? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure she has at least another 100,000 miles in her. But I was naked today and had no way to record the odometer tripping to 100,000. No pocket cam anyway. No instant nostalgia on the internet. Another moment passing. But recorded here. And not forgotten.

Fast Food - Opening Sequence

2009-08-23T19:59:00.001-08:00

Fast Food - Opening Sequence
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon

There is an audio track that is missing (yet to be produced) and a bunch of other details that need to be worked out but here's a sneak preview of the opening of my film, Fast Food!

Fred & Ginger and Doug Fir

2009-08-01T14:10:00.001-08:00

Fred & Ginger and Doug Fir, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Notes and drawing from my sketch book from our May WA/OR trip. This was sitting in the Doug Fir lounge in the Jupiter Hotel. If you're staying in Portland I highly recommend the Jupiter Hotel. Swanky and fun. I also highly recommend getting to know Fred & Ginger. My new favorite drink.

Alaska Sailing Club TtV - Big Lake Alaska

2009-07-26T21:27:00.003-08:00

So this is kind of a mish-mosh of a bunch of different things.

First, Jamie and I are now members of the Alaska Sailing Club up at Big Lake.

Second, this is my first TtV video (with a portion Hulabilly's Quiet Waters as the music bed).

Alaska Sailing Club TtV - Big Lake Alaska
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon

What's tan and white and red all over?

2009-06-12T07:12:00.001-08:00

Tomato Show, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Me in the Tomato Show!!!

The 3 Barons Renaissance Fair continues this weekend, Saturday and Sunday from noon till 8:30p. Come by and throw tomatoes at me :-D

Mimi - Freshly shaved

2009-03-31T14:06:00.001-08:00

Mimi - Freshly shaved, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

I Wake Up Every Day With a Song In My Head

2009-03-18T10:13:00.001-08:00

Today it was U2, Beautiful Day. Today is the 41st anniversary of my birth.

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

Giving - Sharing - Art-esque

2009-03-11T09:26:00.002-08:00

I am playing along in a fun little swap idea I was turned on to by my Flickr friend HIGHLANDGHILLIE.

The first 5 people who respond to this post will get something made by me: it will be my choice, but will, hopefully, be something you can use or enjoy for its aesthetic merits. This offer does have some restrictions & limitations...

*I make no guarantees that you will like it!
*You will receive this item before the end of the year (December 31, 2009) or sooner.
*You will have no idea what the item will be, or when you will receive it.
*To participate, you must re-post this on your blog and put together something to be sent out as 5 surprises of your own. These surprises can be anything....a piece of art, a photo, a poem...whatever you choose.

Lunch

2009-01-02T14:17:00.001-09:00

Lunch, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Yesterday Jamie made Panini bread. I helped (aka I read the recipe to her while she did all the dirty work and heckled when she had to get her hands all oily and sticky with dough). Its super yummy. She's a much better baker than she gives herself credit for.

Here's the ingredients: fresh baked panini bread, yellow mustard, deli cut turkey, colby-jack cheese and a few greens thrown on for color and texture (probably spinach and kale and I'm not sure what else; the box in the fridge didn't say).

Resemblance?

2008-12-25T22:57:00.001-09:00

Resemblance?, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Lee Post is a scoundrel who has stolen my persona, given it youth and is shamelessly marketing it HERE!

More of Lee's villainous work can be seen HERE!

The Boy Friend and The Ladies

2008-12-05T09:45:00.010-09:00

It's been an exhausting run of weeks with a few hours break here and there.

Rehearsals and now performances for The Boy Friend, late nights working on sets and costumes, teaching Boundary Law I and the associated reading and grading and test making and lecturing, the day job, the radio show and then, the afterthought: family.

I've missed my girls. This week I haven't been getting up and going in to be at the office by 6:30a but have been lounging in bed until, GASP, 7:30-ish. This has afforded me some moments cuddling in bed with Genevieve and at least saying "Hi" and getting a hug and a kiss from Madeleine. Mad calls or texts me every morning to let me know she's on her way to catch the bus. It isn't much but it keeps her close to my heart.

Last night was the "pay what you can" preview of The Boyfriend and unlike every night for the past week I was home before 11p. This afforded Jamie and I some couch time with wine and smalltalk. I loath the band Journey but those moments together last night brought their lyric back to me, "I get the joy of rediscovering you." Those moments, the ones where the kids are in bed and we can talk for hours about nothing are what keep us together. Another lyric, "that peaceful easy feeling."

I'm drowning in sentimentality and this post was meant to "Pimp My Show!!!"

The Boy Friend, on stage at Cyrano's Off Center Playhouse Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7p and Sundays at 3p through December 21st with extra special holiday shows at 7p Monday, December 22nd and Tuesday, December 23rd. Visit www.cyranos.org for ticket prices and ordering.

To see more images from The Boy Friend visit Jamie's website: http://jamielangphotography.smugmug.com/

To Write LOVE on Her Arms

2008-11-13T12:44:00.001-09:00

To Write LOVE on Her Arms, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

From a former student of mine:

As someone who has struggled with depression and who has felt the effects of others struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, self- injury, and addiction I feel very passionate about this cause. Depression and suicide have an impact on everyones life, whether it's through having depression, or knowing someone who suffers from the disease, or knowing someone who has committed suicide. It's such a simple thing to do. Its time to stand up and get the word out. It takes just thirty seconds to write four letters. I challenge you to stand up and speak out!

On November 13 write LOVE on your arm in big letters. Be creative spread the word. This is for all the survivors and all the innocent. All of the people who are hurting and who think that suicide is the only way they can turn.

I think some people are confused about what this is. All you have to do is literally write LOVE on your arm to show support. Maybe even donate money or time at your local suicide hotline. When someone asks... 'Why is that on your arm?' You can spread the word about depression and suicide. For some reason in our society, depression and suicide are still taboo topics that a lot of people want to keep quiet. But i think that everyone needs to start talking about it. Help is out there, and by keeping quiet we're only hurting the people who need the help. So speak up, and speak out.

www.TWLOHA.com

B-day Girl

2008-10-09T15:14:00.001-08:00

Portage Glacier Cruise, originally uploaded by jamie lang.

Tomorrow Mad turns 10. TEN!!! I can hardly believe it.

I'm a satire

2008-09-24T22:18:00.001-08:00

Red Satyr, originally uploaded by Bascom Hogue.

Thursday of last week I auditioned for TBA Theatre's Legend of the Wolfman and Saturday noon-ish I was informed I made the cast. We began rehearsals Tuesday night and the cast is mixed in age from Randall who is late 40's to Bob who is 10-ish with an even mix of males and females.

Young Bob told me tonight that I looked familiar then he figured out why. You look like a satire," he said. "A satire of what." He said, "you know, a man with a goat body and hooves." I said, "oh, a satyr." He told me "there are many ways to pronounce it."

One Laptop per Child (OLPC)

2008-09-14T22:20:00.001-08:00

One Laptop per Child (OLPC), a low-cost, connected laptop for the world's children's education

So, oddly, or not, we went to a croquette party at our nerdy friend Mike's house (in his defense he's one of the IT guys and a librarian at the university) and he had an XO Laptop (aka OLPC, One Laptop Per Child: visit www.laptop.org for more information). I was surprised that he had one but not too surprised. Laptop.org offered these last year before Christmas for $400. The $400 got one of these sent to you and one sent to the developing world. Laptop.org's mission is to eventually get the cost on these down to less than $100 per unit and to send them all over the world. There is more info on these laptops and the OLPC project at www.laptop.org. And Amazon.com will be selling these with the same by one / one gets sent to the developing world program starting in a few weeks. I think everybody should buy one and give it to a child they love and one they don't even know elsewhere in the world.

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Photo Album

2008-08-30T09:14:00.001-08:00

Best webcomic ever: Toothpaste for Dinner :-D

10 Ways to Remove Clutter from Your Life from Dumb Little Man

2008-08-18T06:01:00.001-08:00

Something I'm working on: 10 Ways to Remove Clutter from Your Life | Dumb Little Man

For further reading Google "declutter your life"

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The Story Game: Jamie Edition

2008-08-14T21:34:00.001-08:00

For a Good Time Call..., originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

The girls and I added Jamie to "The Story Game" tonight. She even had fun.

I'd blog the girls' drawings and stories but Jamie took pictures of all the drawings (I only took one of mine) and I'm not allowed to blog her photos.

----------------------
My Story: For a good time call...

All boozed up in her fez and zebra slippers, Zoe played songs from "The Wizard of Oz" on her squeeze box all night long.

Something you wear: Fez
Something you drink: booze
Someplace you don't want to be: Oz
Something you wear on your feet: zebra slippers
A name: Zoe
Something you hold in your hand: squeeze box

(there's a z in all my items, mind you)

Rosemary, Baby!!!

2008-08-13T22:45:00.005-08:00

Not to be confused with Rosemary's Baby (which I did make Jamie watch when she was about 8 1/2 months pregnant with Madeleine).

untoward

2008-08-06T11:45:00.001-08:00

For a friend who has never heard this word in conversation:

un·to·ward - Pronunciation[uhn-tawrd, -tohrd]

adjective
unfavorable or unfortunate: Untoward circumstances forced him into bankruptcy.
improper: untoward social behavior.
Archaic. froward; perverse.
[Origin: 1520–30; un-1 + toward]—Related
forms
un·to·ward·ly, adverb
un·to·ward·ness, noun

untoward - Definitions from Dictionary.com

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Two Things I Find Disturbing about Facebook

2008-08-05T16:09:00.004-08:00

So I signed up for Facebook this afternoon and first of all, after more than 11 years of marriage, they want to notify Jamie that we're married and she has to "confirm" that we're married (whatever that means).

Then, this super powerful social networking tool gives me the option oto "Cancel Relationship". I've got a lot invested in our relationship (as she does to). How can they conscionably offer that? Are there no morals?

Madeleine will be taking the bus this year

2008-08-05T11:34:00.003-08:00

Summers End : a LEGO® creation by Matt S. : MOCpages.com

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Freshly Mowed

2008-08-03T22:45:00.002-08:00

Freshly Mowed, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

And on the seventh day he rested or so it is claimed. The seventh day must have been Monday or Saturday or quite possibly any day of the week other than Sunday because Sunday is chore day around here. Taking out the trash, doing the weekend dishes and... the lawn. Always on Sunday. Always the lawn.

I scoop the poop (sorry but there's no nicer way to put it but plenty of tasteless ways) and Jamie pushes the electric mower (see also 30 Seconds of Jamie and the Electric Mower). I'm on the lookout for an electric (hopefully cordless) weed whacker so I can do the edges.

This is funny!

2008-07-31T16:01:00.001-08:00

How to make fun of Obama - Los Angeles Times (thanks Suzie)

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Sushi for Lunch: Day 2

2008-07-31T13:41:00.002-08:00

Day two of the "Only Eating Sushi for Lunch" experiment and the bastards have already raised their prices.

I guess they heard about me.

Blogged for future consideration

2008-07-31T13:38:00.001-08:00

Ignore this post unless you eventually want to go Off-Grid - life unplugged: solar, wind, hydro, architecture, smallholdings, free stuff » $600 gets your house on solar power

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Grow Your Own Rice « Gallimaufree

2008-07-31T13:25:00.001-08:00

I'm not much of a farmer but I'm thinking about doing this next year.

Grow Your Own Rice « Gallimaufree

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Jap Clockspring Car Runs 40 mi a Winding

2008-07-30T10:41:00.003-08:00

I want to build one of these. Thats a good idea.

Incubator Desk Takes Up Less Space : TreeHugger

2008-07-28T12:21:00.001-08:00

I want one of these :-D

Incubator Desk Takes Up Less Space : TreeHugger

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The Story Game

2008-07-23T20:40:00.003-08:00

The Story Game, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Kind of like Mad Libs with drawing.
Here's how you play. Fill in the blanks:

Job _______________
Place ______________
Something you do ____________
Name _____________
Something you hold ____________
Something you eat ____________

Then write a short story using all of your words and their implications / derivatives.

Then draw that story and communicate all of it in one panel.

The Story Game :-D

Tommy's Train Ride (Mad's Story)

Tommy's train load of meat was headed downtown. He jumped off the train to pick up a coin and had to jog to catch up.

Mad's words:

Job: Engineer (train)
Place: downtown
Something you do: jog
Name: Tommy
Something you hold: coin
Something you eat: meat

Teacher Erica (Vieve's Story)

Erica was going to get some ice cream. She went to Starbright and saw a big mess. There was marker on the wall. Teacher Erica was angry.

Vieve's words:

Job: Teacher
Place: Starbright
Something you do: teach
Name: Erica
Something you hold: marker
Something you eat: ice cream

Zombie Clive East Bananas (My Story)

Clive was playing poker with the other zombies and excused himself to go to the bathroom. When he came back he picked up a banana but what he really wanted was some brains.

My words:

Job: zombie
Place: bathroom
Something you do: play poker
Name: Clive
Something you hold: banana
Something you eat: brains

Drain Pipe Turned Hotel: DasPark Hotel

2008-07-21T12:46:00.001-08:00

I wonder if the girls would like something like this for a playhouse :-D

Drain Pipe Turned Hotel: DasPark Hotel | Hugg 2.0

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How To Green Your Electronics : TreeHugger

2008-07-16T11:11:00.001-08:00

This article, How To Green Your Electronics : TreeHugger is a good reminder that there is a lot we can do to reduce our energy use that is easily within our control.

We switched out to all compact fluorescents a year or more ago and so has everybody else by now. I also invested in rechargeable batteries for everything I could starting two Christmas' ago at home and in the office (#1 on Treehugger's list) and we have been buying with energy in mind (#3 on the list) and have talked about how to kill vampire power (#2 on the list).

Give it a look over and see what you can easily do.

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30 Seconds of Jamie Mowing - Episode I

2008-07-16T09:01:00.002-08:00

30 Seconds of Jamie Mowing - Episode I
Originally uploaded by Bearded Jon

I scoffed at electric mowers a few months ago. SCOFFED.

"It doesn't matter what mower we use all of them require the burning of fossil fuels at some point in the process so we will always be contributing to global greenhouse emmisions," I said (or something similar; that was the gist).

What I hadn't taken into consideration was the maintenance or the steadily rising price of fuel. While my original statement is in essence correct the balance tips to the electric mower as the clear winner. "A conventional mower produces as much pollution in one hour as 43 late model cars or driving 340 miles, say industry experts." (via Treehugger).

So, after a trip to Home Depot to look at the $317 cordless model, we've been searching Craigslist and found a new in the box electric mower for 1/3 the cost.

Yeah, its got a chord but Jamie is so cute to watch kicking it out of the way.

A weekend without the Girls

2008-07-13T21:44:00.002-08:00

Friday = date night. Jamie and I went to dinner at the NEW Don Jose's on Muldoon and split shrimp and halibut tacos then took in Hellboy II (which was just as awesome as Hellboy).

Saturday = random Saturday business (radio show, a trip to Home Depot, hanging out together) followed up with dinner at La Hacienda (because we had to pay the penance for going to Don Jose's) then cocktail hour at Tim's with Krista and Jonathan (which included cutthroat pirate style ping pong).

Sunday = sleeping in-ish (we're too old to "just" sleep in) followed by breakfast with the newspaper and only the puppies to interfere. While Jamie was off at her photo shoot Gabriel the Spaniard came over and we did some storyboard shots for Due, the short film I scripted that he and I are making. We coerced Jamie to stand in for one of the characters and, while she didn't follow direction well, she was her cute self. After Gabe left Jamie and I puttered around then trekked down to the Weekend Market (which used to be just the Saturday Market but, well, things change) then City Market for supplies then came home for a spectacular dinner (garlic and butter sauteed Calamari steaks, greek salad and garlic bread) with an appropriate wine pairing (Yellow Tail Pineo Grigio). Then I went over to Gabe's to run through the dailies (I know, movie people speak) and we processed a few of Leo's shots (with me as stand in). I'll post a link when Gabe gets the video uploaded.

Observations From a Barstool

2008-07-04T15:00:00.002-08:00

Sometimes when I go out I notice things. Sometimes when I notice things I write them down. Last night was one of those "noticing things and writing them down" kinds of nights.

* The bartender in Amanda's garage sale bustier
* Elephant girls attached trunk to tail
* That awkward transition between digerido and human beat box
* Inappropriate glances and neck tattoos
* Noticing and wanting to be noticed, the give and take between being seen and seeing
* The dynamic of the Pee line is awesome!
* Lynyrd Synyrd hair and Extra Tuffs
* Pay just enough attention to the bartender, that other girl and I'll... I'll... notice, but tonight you're mine
* His thick sideburns
* The tall kid we know we know but we don't know why
* The appreciative girls with the knowing glances who smile because you look and they know you looked.

Its all a little more vivid in my head. I'm pretty sure there are some universal truths in here.

Might get fleshed out in story format. Might just get left here.

Fast, Cheap and Good

2008-06-14T14:06:00.002-08:00

"The director Jim Jarmusch once told me, 'Fast, Cheap, and Good... pick two. If it's fast and cheap, it won't be good. If it's cheap and good, it won't be fast. If it's fast and good, it won't be cheap.' Fast, cheap and good... pick two words to live by." - Tom Waits

Read the entire article, Tom Waits: a conversation with himself HERE!

Spam

2008-06-14T13:54:00.004-08:00

Over the last 6 months the amount of Spam coming into my e-mail has increased 10 fold. This is a nuisance. If it were only 100% Spam I wouldn't be a little miffed but sometimes real genuine "important" stuff ends up in the spam bin just because its got the wrong words in it so I have to weed through the messages to make sure nothing work related ended up in the wrong place.

There is no cure for this, short of deleting my account and just not getting e-mail anymore, but there was one title that cracked me up so I'm sharing it with you: Turn your dwarf into a giant.

There is nothing more to say.

Flutterby

2008-06-10T00:09:00.001-08:00

Flutterby, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

If you take a week, maybe two, off from shooting regularly you forget everything you ever learned about your camera. I discovered this tonight.

I was out a bit late at Barnes & Noble on business and ran into too many friends, which I didn't mind at all, but it put me far behind the chore 8-ball when I finally got home at 10:45. In my own defense I did knock out a couple chores between when I got home at 6:30 and when I left at 7:10 so I'm no slouch (not a great big one anyway) but I have been out of the house most of the last couple weeks with Queerspace rehearsals and the run of the show this past weekend.

So I get home and Jamie is just itching for me to put the new basket on the handlebars of her beach cruiser bike. She bought a basket a couple weeks ago but it was the "mount on a rack on the back" kind and what she wanted was the "wicked witch of the West", er, a handlebar mounted basket. So today she finally made it to The Bicycle Shop and got the new basket and we passed in the driveway as I was off to my meeting (there are singe marks in the back of my helmet from her glare).

So I'm diligently mounting up the basket and she takes the dogs around the block. By the time the pack returns I'm nearly finished with the basket. Jamie says "there's a dead butterfly in Denise's driveway. You should go take some TtV shots of it." This is where the "I've forgotten everything I ever knew about my camera in the last couple weeks" part comes in.

I go inside, mount up the kit lens, grab my CF card out of the computer, pick up my contraption and I'm off down the street two houses over in search of a dead butterfly. I find it and it is beautiful. A muted yellow with a brilliant blue and orange and red tail. I snap a few pics in P with just the kit lens set to the lowest aperature. Then I lay down in the street and line up the contraption and snap some shakey TtV shots. This is no good. The kit lens is too slow. Its 11-ish and while there is still good light it is fading. I walk back to the house, having decided to give up on the TtV shot and grab my macro lens filter. It will still be on the kit lens but I won't be losing the light that looking through the viewfinder lens robs the camera of. I again lay down in the street and get real close. The macro filter doesn't work so well with the autofocus so I switch the lens to MF and wiggle around until I think I'm in focus. I snap a few shots and then decided that I really do need more light so I trudge back to the house in search of the f1.8 50mm Canon lens and decide to take the 125mm Minolta along too. Then I change my mind on the Minolta and grab the 50mm f1.4 Minolta lens. I hike back over and realize that I was shooting at ISO 100. I could have bumped it up to 200 or 400 and the TtV probably would have worked. I get close to the butterfly but the 50mm is too far away. Nowhere as near as I want to be. What was I thinking. I could have put the macro filter on this lens. So I go to switch to the Minolta 50mm and realize that the 125mm still has the lens adapter on it. No shots for me.

So this is the only shot I like out of the two dozen I actually did take. It is with the Opteka 0.42x macro lens filter on the kit lens 18-55mm f3.5-5.6 Cannon kit lens.

Paper Critters: Online Paper Toy Creator

2008-05-29T10:37:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it. I like papercraft. I'm not ashamed.

If you want to make your own go to Paper Critters: Online Paper Toy Creator.

La muerte del pollo negro

2008-04-08T21:41:00.001-08:00

La muerte del pollo negro, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

So you go to the gym. You work out for an hour. You come home ready to hit the shower and when you turn the key in the lock something isn't quite right. A feeling. The sixth sense.

You walk in the door and the first thing that crosses your mind is “what the hell happened here?”

You walk from room to room, follow the trail of feathers and wonder, when you reach the corner at the end of the hall, what you will find. The violins reach an eerie and frenetic pace, but no, this is no horror movie. You step around the corner and in the midst of a pool of black feathers there is... nothing. Just black feathers. Everywhere.

The black chicken is no more.

But the black chicken was not poultry, it was a feather boa. No blood, no smell, no fuss, no muss. Just pick up the feathers and get on with your lives.

But who could have done this while we were away? Aliens with a grudge against burlesque? An ex stripper out for revenge? A small dog with way too much energy? It boggles the mind.

Clipped Keys

2008-04-05T13:48:00.001-08:00

Clipped Keys, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

My key fob broke. More specifically the carabiner that holds my several rings of keys broke. We walked the dogs, all three of them, the other night and Pennie Lane's leash snagged the hook of the carabiner where it hangs out of my pocket and that little yank broke the spring that keeps the clasp shut.

Not a big deal but it got me to take a good look at my keys this morning. I'm carrying around an awful lot of stuff that, whether it be sentimentality or a lack of consideration, I just don't need. Not an awful lot of stuff, but a few things that I don't really need.

I bought the carabiner at LL Bean's when I lived in Maine. Gina and I, sometimes with Doug, sometimes with Mark, would go to LL Bean's in Freeport it seemed like every weekend. We would go late at night because in the late 1980's the only stores that were allowed to be open 24 hours a day by law were a few chain grocery stores in Portland and LL Bean's up in Freeport. We would go in and wander around and dream about canoing and camping and hiking and climbing; things we would never do but we could vicariously late at night through the well stocked shelves. I bought the carabiner, or maybe Gina bought it for me, because I had car keys and an apartment key and not really any other keys but it was a memento. And it still is. Just a less functional memento.

The shaft is worn red paint scraped away to reveal scratched aluminum beneath. The spring loaded bit is brass colored and now that it is broken there is a metal pin sticking out, the mechanism that keeps the bit tight to the shaft.

I have three rings on this carabiner: two of keys and one an electronic fob that lets me into the radio station. The first ring has a key to the ignition and the doors of Brian's old Chevy, a padlock key, I'm guessing to his trailer and a bottle opener. Brian still has the trailer but the old Chevy has been gone for at least a year. I should probably give him his keys back. The bottle opener gets the most use of anything on my key set.

The second set is a little more obscure: a flamed house key, a back door (or front depending on which end you are used to coming in but technically it is the back door) office key, a hotel room key and a motorcycle key.

Its these last two that are obscure.

Hotels don't use keys anymore and I can't remember the last time that I stayed in a hotel that did, a hotel that would have given me a key that wasn't on a branded fob anyway. Sure, the places we stayed in California last year didn't have electronic keys but these didn't come from there. Likewise, neither the motel in Dawson nor the lodge in Burwash Landing had loose keys. But I'm guessing this is from a motorcycle trip. The question is which trip.

The motorcycle key is another tricky one. The BMW keys are small and all accounted for and all of the Harley keys I have ever seen are branded. This is a plain hardware store cut key. Maybe it goes to the Kawachoppy. With just the two Beemers in the garage it certainly isn't a necessity to have this key anymore.

But the keys on clip have a nice jangle to them, a nice heft in your hand. I haven't gotten rid of any of them. Yet. But I have switched to a different carabiner, a promotional that came in the mail with a corporate logo on it. It is smaller than the LL Bean clip and just doesn't feel right in my hand. But with my hands in my pockets and that clip right below my right hand for over 20 years I can expect it to take a little getting used to.

In My 40th Year

2008-03-19T13:55:00.001-08:00

Age: 39 + 364, originally uploaded by jamie lang.

My 40th birthday was yesterday, March 18th and I have been thinking about all things birthday for a while now.

In the last 40 years I have made some good choices and some poor choices. I have had grand failures and grander successes. I have done the right thing more often than not (I hope), I am kind to strangers and small animals and I am a good citizen (mostly). But the last year, my 40th, has been spectacular in all regards.

In my 40th year I celebrated my 10th year of marriage to Jamie. We cuss and fight and bicker and do all the cool things old married couples are supposed to do. in short, I love her and my life would not be complete without her.

In my 40th year my daughters celebrated their 9th, Madeleine's, and 4th, Genevieve's, birthdays. We cuss and fight and bicker (sound familiar) like all families do and the two of them bring some much joy into my life (when we're not busy with the cussing, fighting and bickering) I cannot begin to express it. Their personalities are so unique and they are both so creative. I see them growing into beautiful women and I hope they realize all of their dreams and goals and if I have had any hand in their foundations that they will be kind to strangers and small animals as well as good citizens.

In my 40th year I made new friends, I pushed my boundaries and I discovered that, while many of my peers in these endeavors were much younger, I still had a lot to contribute. I'm more wiseass than wise but I was able to help

In my 40th year I have done some things professionally that I never thought I would, never thought I would do and never expected to do again. I got paid to sing. I got paid to act. I even got paid to dance (although I was way out of my league there). I got paid to write. I got paid to do radio again. I got paid to tell jokes. I even got paid to play the Ukulele, and it happened so fast and with so much laughter a) they didn't know what hit them and b) they didn't have time to ask, tell or otherwise demand that I stop.

I also got told that at 40 my life is half over. Although that may be statistically correct I hadn't planned on my life ending at 80. When I reach 80 I might have different ideas but for now I plan on breathing and singing and laughing and loving every day and not looking so much at the end of the game but focusing instead on where I am right now. In the moment. Giving as much as I can to all that need it.

Peace and Love.

Just saying "Hi!"

2007-12-02T12:56:00.001-09:00

BUtS PAC-0299, originally uploaded by ChaChAlaska.

If you're a follower, I'm sorry. I've just been too busy to blog.

And no, I'm not pointing this at you.

Mouse

2007-09-20T23:49:00.001-08:00

Mouse, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

A cat has moved in to the apartment below my office. This makes 2 dogs, 1 cat and 4 people living in a two bedroom basement. The cat's name is Boo or something easily as ridiculous that you would name a mostly black cat with white boots and a white stripe on it's nose. The cat likes to hang out outside and loiter on the front stop in the afternoons. When someone, anyone, goes out to check the mail the cat will come in, wander around the various rooms of the office, rub up against anything and everything and anyone. It lets me pet it without getting all freaked out which amazes me a little, because I'm a dog person and I'm usually too rough for cats, and amuses me. The cat too I think. I think he actually likes me.

He left me this present out the back door, which most people think is the front door, of the office. I know he left it for me because I found it in the middle of the gravel and grass patch where I park my truck right about directly below where my butt is on the seat when driving.

Millie lives downstairs and is the den mother of the extended family in the basement. She is deathly afraid of mice, dead or alive. I think she even squirmed when I told her I found this dead one.

And what of the mouse. It's been there since Monday, at least that is when I noticed it, at rest on it's back reaching for heaven, soaking up rain in the evening, dew in the morning and resting beneath the shelter of my truck during the day.

What The Master Eats - Revisited

2007-06-11T20:16:00.001-08:00

What The Master Eats - Revisited, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

So the girls are out of town and we had the opportunity to eat out but it was squandered by "she who drove" and we ended up at home for leftovers so I rummaged - as only I can rummage - through the fridge and came up with another culinary masterpiece.

See, I don't cook; I create! I make stuff that oughtn't be made but I don't do it often so I'm not a health risk. Much.

So I'm slicing up the chicken and "she who shall go without a name for a while due to her callousness" says, "where did you learn to use an Ulu?" WTF!!! This is Alaska! Doesn't EVERYBODY know how to use an Ulu? I was given an Ulu as a trophy for winning a sledding race in the 1981 Valdez Winter Carnival and I was only 13. Everybody's got an Ulu.

"I watched the video at the Ulu Factory," I proudly tell her.

"Huh," her only reply and she walks off.

NO MANTASTIC MEAL FOR YOU TONIGHT, WOMAN!!!

Recipe:

One tortilla (fresh). Cover with a thin layer of rice (recycled from another meal) and cover with salsa. Add your sliced with an Ulu chicken (recycled from the same meal as the rice) and sprinkle with bacon bits and cheese. Heat in the microwave for one minute using the "minute plus" setting. Let stand for a few seconds and sprinkle with more cheese. Add sour cream to taste. Repeat three times. Serves one.

Here is the original man cooking: What the Master Eats!

Dyslexic Haiku

2007-05-15T21:15:00.001-08:00

Dyslexic Haiku - 209/365, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

It just didn't make sense. The form was there but the words were all jumbled or the letters were scrambled.
It was a recording of an impersonator slowed down, distorted.
The caricature of a painting of a dead war hero. A blur that resembled something familiar yet entirely different. Familiar and askew.

Vonnegut's Proof

2007-04-12T09:42:00.001-08:00

Kurt Vonnegut, RIP, originally uploaded by antonyHare.

"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: 'The only proof he needed for the existence of God was music.'" - Kurt Vonnegut

By Jove I think he's right.

One Last Ride

2007-04-03T22:38:00.001-08:00

Lensbaby Bobbie (RIP), originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

I never pictured our last ride in the truck to be like that. Usually you would sit up and even though you couldn't see and couldn't hear you would look around and pant for a little while before lying down. This trip you started and ended with your head on the bench seat next to me, unmoving except for the shallow rise and fall of your chest.

It was hard to find the words, to ask the clerk, to tell her what needed to be done. I carried you into the room and they weighed you. I sat on the floor with you, scratching your neck, scratching your ears, giving you what little pleasure I thought I could give.

They took you to put in a catheter. I was left in the exam room with back issues of Dog Fancy and Cat Life and literature on spaying and neutering your pet. There was nothing in that room that could take me away, not even for a moment.

When the orderly carried you back in you had a green wrap on your right foreleg holding in the catheter. I tried to look in your eyes but you pulled away. Were you angry at me or were you angry at yourself? I know you wanted to walk, whether for me or for you, but your legs just wouldn't carry you anymore.

I knelt before you with your head between my knees and stroked your neck. This is how it would end.

The doctor came in, gave you a sedative, the death drug and within moments you were gone. 8:59pm on a Tuesday in April and you were gone.

I love you Bobbie. Goodbye.

Bobbie Dog (early 1990's - 2007)

Ficlets | I Am Empty Like the Ocean

2007-03-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

I am empty like the ocean.

I am turbulent wind swept roiling foam. I am the dead calm of doldrums. I am the giant rolling swell of the deep sea.

I am flotsam and jetsam and the filth that collects in the corners of the harbor. I am the treasure sunken to the bottom of the sea.

I am the soulless predator. I am the unknowing prey.

I crash upon the shore and lap lazily at the beach.

I am warm and frigid, soothing and harsh. I am a friend and an enemy and a tool. I am worshiped and feared. I am untamed.

I am empty like the ocean.

Written here: Ficlets | I Am Empty Like the Ocean

Ficlets | On the Cusp

2007-03-18T19:01:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be my 14,245th day, the first day of my 40th year.

I have been around for 14,244 days. I was born on a Monday in a leap year but after the leap.

I recall, vividly, about 100 of those days. Not all of the time of all of those days. Maybe a few instants of those days.

I don’t know what I recall. Days in the Volkswagen convertible with Mom spent driving nowhere and everywhere. An evening at the dinner table learning to write numbers with Dad. Pets.

Idle hours spent assembling LEGO structures, then disassembling, then reassembling. Air travel. Exploring new places, a new home, far from the concept of home I had been born with.

Playing doctor with a friend and a couple girls. Chaste kisses. Running around trailer parks and jumping ditches with my bike.

Rain. Lots of rain. Inner tubes on a small lake in the rain. Canoing in the rain. Building earthen dams in the rain. Watching my innocence, my youth, wash away like so many grains of disaffected sand. Pebbles in the water.

Aged.

Written yesterday here: Ficlets | On the Cusp

Ficlets | De Luxe Olympia

2007-03-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

I started on a typewriter just like this one, maybe this one. A De Luxe Olympia. I didn’t know QUERTY and was not acquainted with Mavis Beacon either. I would hunt and peck and hours later I would have a few paragraphs filled with youthful enthusiasm if nothing else.

I was tentative with the keys. I’m surprised that I didn’t end up with TMJ . I would grit my teeth with every strike.

I had amazing speed. Somewhere around 10, maybe 15 characters per minute.

I remember staying up late at night, my bedroom door closed, a solitary lamp close to my desk illuminating the keyboard and the paper. I could not stream my consciousness, only think in phrases and catch up with my fingers at the end of each word.

My only companion with the click, clack, tick of the keys. They typewriter and maybe a dog.

And what crap I wrote. Science Fiction. I never finished anything. I wonder where those pages have gone? Lined a bird cage? In a folder on a book case? Where have those old works gone? Where are the words?

I've been writing over here: Ficlets | De Luxe Olympia

Ficlets | The Pencil

2007-03-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

He hadn’t held a pencil in his hands in a long time. The octagonal shaft felt good, its weight comfortable, the paint tacky, gripping his fingers lightly.

He loved pencils when he was a kid, almost to the point of fetish. He was probably eight or nine and all alone in his classroom. He found a brand new unopened box of a dozen Faber No. 2’s and he sharpened them all down to tiny nubs.

The sharpener was near bursting. He gripped it firmly with one hand, the desk with the other. He twisted the metal basked until it disengaged from the sharpener base then pulled it free. Shavings hung from the sharpener spindle. He wiped them into the basket, the smell of graphite and shaved wood pungent, flaring his nostrils.

He was in a sharpening euphoria. A rush he had never known. A high that would never be surpassed.

He began to twirl. He twirled and twirled and twirled spreading the shavings around the room. He danced in the shavings spreading their dust around the huge room, not a care to the consequence.

I've been writing over here: Ficlets | The Pencil

Ficlets | The Bottle

2007-03-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

Its just a bottle. It is cold and smooth and glass. It is green with the residue of glue where the label has been peeled off. The cap is still tightly on top. He wants to open it but does not. He picks at the glue like he picked at the label. Soon the glue will be gone and the cap will taunt him.

“Open me.” “Fuck you.” “Please.” “Fuck you.”

He wants to open the bottle. The bottle wants to be opened. What is the problem. Just open the damned bottle. He can not.

He is weak but he is not that weak. The bottle stares at him; he stares at the bottle.

“Please.” “FUCK YOU ,” he screams and hurls the bottle across the room. It catches the large chrome handle on the old Frigidaire and bursts, spraying the kitchen with froth. Glass skitters across the floor. Yellowish foam slithers down the refrigerator and becomes rivulets which become streams which leap off the bottom of the door landing on the freezer door and crawl towards the floor.

“Fuck you,” he mutters without much enthusiasm. “Fuck you.”

I've been writing over here: Ficlets | The Bottle

Rain with a Chance of Sun

2007-03-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

Why don't more weather people get into politics?

We are already used to hearing their lies.

Ficlets

2007-03-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

A new diversion:

From their website: "About Ficlets: ficlets are shorter than short stories. Well, no, actually, they are short stories, but they’re really short stories. Really short, as in there’s not a maximum word count … there’s actually a maximum character count (1,024)."

This may actually be more addictive than Flickr. I have already written two stories. : The Bottle (late last night) and The Pencil (a few minutes ago).

Sunday Morning Sun - 146/365

2007-03-11T17:13:00.001-08:00

Sunday Morning Sun - 146/365, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

The bright warmth of the sun is a tease when the thermometer hovers around zero as it does this morning. The sun does not know the clocks have changed. The chill air does not know the clocks have changed. It registers in my mind but my body does not know that the clocks have change.

My body knows that the sun streams through the window and warms my face on this other-timely Sunday morning.

Question of the Day/Week/Month

2007-02-07T11:10:00.000-09:00

If I take all the saved fortune cookie fortunes out of my wallet does that make me less fortunate?

Polar Bear is coming

2006-12-16T09:50:00.000-09:00

Jamie bald, originally uploaded by jamie lang.

Breast Cancer has been in the news the last few days and things are looking good but the fight is still going. Please make a donation to the American Cancer Society today.

Inbox Fortune Cookies

2006-12-11T09:10:00.000-09:00

I went out for Chinese food one day last week and when the fortune cookies came around at the end of the meal the discussion of appending "... in bed" or "... between the sheets" to the end of one's fortune came up. I've been using "... in bed" for years. Nothing exceptional came of it but laughs were shared around the table.

Today I got a SPAM in my Inbox titled "Huge". The text of the message was "BIG holiday fun starts in your pants" with an attached hyperlink.

Its early. I thought it was funny.

About Last Night...

2006-12-10T09:15:00.000-09:00

Every night is a wild night in my world and last night (Saturday) was no exceptions.

We sold the girls to my parents and Jamie and I headed downtown for VivaVoom Brrrlesque's Stocking Stuffer holiday extravaganza. We have known, and partied with, these ladies for a long time and their show last night was on par with their best, but more about that in my review in Thursday's Press (I don't want to give it all away here).

After the show we headed to Bernie's Bungalow Lounge to crash the Anchorage International Film Festival Golden Oosik awards ceremony. We dropped a few names and the door thug finally let us in and we were just in time for the presentation of awards for Best Short Film, Best Documentary, Best Documentary and Best Feature (and I'm not telling you what won).

After the awards ceremony wrapped up we stayed and mingled with new friends from the festival and old friends that were part of the festival before we knew about the festival. Then the bar was opened up to the public and even more friends came in and it was a big crazy drunken love fest.

Then we left to got to a party.

Yeah. Not the most eloquent piece I've ever posted on the blog but Jamie beat me up in my sleep last night (I'm not sure how she got my head to throb so painfully without leaving any marks).

NaNoWriMoNoMo

2006-12-01T12:09:00.000-09:00

Its over. National Novel Writing Month 2006 is done. I did not win. I'm ok with that.

And what do I have to show for it? A little over 30K words and a pretty decent story.

Overall I am pleased with the NaNoWriMo experience. On the plus side I pushed myself to write at times when I didn't think I had anything in me and it lead me some interesting places. On the minus side I feel like I wrote a lot of filler that was "just words" to pump up my word count.

And just because NaNoWriMo is over doesn't mean my story is over. I plan to continue working on it until I have what I want out of it, which is a finished novel.

NaNoWriMo - Progress

2006-11-18T10:17:00.000-09:00

Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

National Novel Writing Month - National Novel Writing Month

GeoGreeting!

2006-11-14T11:25:00.000-09:00

Your message in buildings.

Problem :-/

2006-11-08T11:47:00.000-09:00

I don't want answer my cell phone 'cuz I dig my ringtone too much "Pepper - Butthole Surfers"

National Novel Writing Month 2006

2006-10-31T07:19:00.000-09:00

National Novel Writing Month 2006, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

I'm writing a book. 50,000 works in 30 days. I've got a storyline and an outline in my head and at the stroke of midnight I get to start writing. Wish me luck (I'll need it).

You can too. Go here. National Novel Writing Month

Question of the Day

2006-10-25T10:06:00.000-08:00

Do online chat technical support technicians go home and chat all night on MSN or AOL?

outside.in

2006-10-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

I found this on BoingBoing and thougth I would join.

What's it all aboot? "outside.in — 99504 is a tool for participating in the online conversations taking place about your community within your community. After you locate yourself on a map, real-time blog posts, reviews, and news relevant to that area appear. Drag the map and the content changes." according to BoingBoing's David Pescovitz

So it's whose blogging in the hood, yo! (I'm so white its okay for me to say yo! or is it?)

The Candy Food Deception Conspiracy

2006-10-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

Candy Corn, originally uploaded by anela.

Why do candy companies make candy replicas of real food? I'm thinking of these and those mushy orange peanuts. If they were going to waste their time with candied foods why not help out parents and make some of the foods kids hate like peas and lima beans. Then, we the parents, would be able to condition our children to like them.

One of Madeleine's school mates has a severe enough nut alergy that everyone in the entire school knows about it. I was going to give him some of those orange peanuts as a gag and, even though he's only in 1st grade, I'm sure he'd love the joke (he's pretty crazy for having such a deadly allergy; or maybe that's in spite of).

(still) Running

2006-08-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I'm getting better or getting worse. This morning I did three miles in 41 minutes. It was a mix of uphill and downhill and the lead leg of the Klondike is 8.8 miles uphill. My legs are sore and I don't see this as being much of a success so far. Then again, six weeks ago when I started running I couldn't go more than a mile without being exhaused. Now it takes me three. Maybe I will make nine miles in the next month.

More on (or Moron) Running

2006-06-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

The 8-Week Program for Beginning Runners suggests starting at running for 30 seconds then walking for 5 minutes. I did that. Ish. I walked for 5 minutes to warm up then ran for 30 seconds, then walked till the next even 5 minutes, then ran for about 40 seconds then walked till the next even 5 minutes and worked my way up to running for a little over a minute then walking till the next 5 minute mark by the end of my 45 minutes out of the house. Yeah, I went over the 30 minutes scheduled but I didn't know how far I could/would go in a half hour and I needed to get home so I might as well have added an extra run or two. The 8-Week Program page as well as several other running sites I visited said the most important thing is to listen to your body. If your body can do a little more then do a little more. I did a little more.

For our 9th Anniversary I got Jamie a pair of Sony MDR-NC11 Noise Cancelling Headphones to go with her SanDisk Sansa™ m250 2GB MP3 Player which I bought her for her birthday. I have had a pair of these headphones for more than a year and I can't say enough good about them. They have made riding much more comfortable. My hearing is going and the noise canceling headphones by themselves, without any music playing, cut down 90% of the wind noise. This saves me from having ringing ears after a few hundred miles on the Rockster. Jamie bought me the same Sandisk Sansa m250 2GB MP3 Player for our anniversary so now we have matched earphones and MP3 players (but she bought me a fancy case/clip for mines so we can tell them apart).

Anyway, this is part of my running arsenel now. Wired for sound, I returned from Saturday's run, appropriately enough, to Megadeth's Sweating Bullets, which I was. On today's run I started out at a minute, then walked for 4, then increased to a minute fourty-five by the end of it, taking a full five minutes to get home. I was only out for 32 minutes (its a work day so I cut my route for better timing). And I ran to Audioslave (I am the Highway, don'cha know).

As I said this running business is all training for my participation in the Klondike Relay. I am doing the 8.8 mile opening leg. At the end of the next 8 weeks I should be up to 30 minutes steady running each time out. I've done some math, simplified where I can, and I remember being told in High School that the average runner does a six minute mile. I don't expect to be average. I figure a ten minute mile. 8.8 miles at 10 minutes per mile, rounding up for a .2 mile margin of error, I should run my leg of the rely in 90 minutes. But I'll only but up to 30 minutes at the end of 8 weeks and I will only have another 3 weeks after to get up to 90. What should I do?

Running

2006-06-17T09:24:00.000-08:00

"Bikers don't run." I have said this many times. At motorcycling events, when crossing the street usually, I have yelled to Jamie as she scurried across traffic, "Bikers don't run." Bear in mind this is usually said in full leathers or in textile riding gear, crossing from decent parking to good food.

Runners run and I'm whining about runnig because today I became a runner. Yesterday I purchased the potential to be a runner in the form of ASICS GT-2110 (white/navy/gold) men's running footwear.

ASICS GT-2110™

High tech? You betcha.
- Impact Guidance System (I.G.S.®)
- DuoMax®
- SpEVA® Midsole Material
- Space Trusstic System™
- GEL® Cushioning Systems

What does that mean? $90.00

Does it make me go faster? I don't know. I did some research this morning and found this 8-Week Program for Beginning Runners. I started with 4 minutes of walking (because it was 9:26am) and then ran from about 40 seconds, building up to running for a minute and walking for four. I was out for about 40 minutes and it sucked.a

But why, oh why, you might be asking, am I running? The Klondike. More specifically, The The Klondike Trail of '98 International Road Relay, a relay race from Skagway, Alaska through British Columbia, ending in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, Canada. The race, held the first weekend in September, is divided into 10 relay legs and I was asked by friend Krista to participate with the promise that the party at the end is worth the run. Hmmmmm.

I've done dumber things for lesser reward so I'm in. We don't have a team name yet but we are working on a pirate theme. I have been brushing up on my pirate lingo at International Talk Like A Pirate Day's "How To" page and I created my not so secret pirate identity at fidius.org's What's My Pirate Name? Its a 3 page quiz but worth it. I'm Mad John Flint. Arr. Send me your suggestions for both team name and pirate-ee goodness.

Super Monkey Poop Fight!

2006-04-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Sick? Yes. Fun? Increadibly!!! What could be more thrilling on a Saturday night (or Sunday morning; Easter even) than shit flinging monkeys in that awesome crappity 80's pixelated animation. Check out Super Monkey Poop Fight!

First Ride

2006-04-08T12:05:00.000-08:00

panning bmw, originally uploaded by jamie in alaska.

Yesterday was sunny and warm. Snow was melting. My bike spent the night on the battery charger last night.

Today it is above freezing but overcast and not really melty. There is thin ice on all of the puddles and more than enough gravel on the streets to keep me in the neighborhood. If it weren't for Jamie's new camera I probably wouldn't be riding until next weekend or the weekend after.

But I'm glad to be back on the road again. It felt good to have two wheels beneath me. At first I couldn't match my peddling to my balance, just like a child learning to bicycle, but I got the hang of it after the first couple yards and soon was weaving down the street, throwing the weight of the bike back and forth to check its response, to check mine.

Fortunate

2006-03-31T18:57:00.000-09:00

Some thing, like these Fortune Cookies from Bunny Hero Labs, are too good to be true. Now go make your own.

Me

2006-03-27T10:13:00.000-09:00

Husband (aka Bearded Jon), originally uploaded by jamie in alaska.

I didn't have a way to steal this from Flickr unless I blogged it so here you all get to look at me for no good reason other than my own personal vanity combined with petty theft.

Word of the Day: Serfer

2006-02-28T11:48:00.000-09:00

A corporate slave who whiles away the work hours on the internet.

Geotags @ Platial

2006-02-01T22:15:00.000-09:00

For a few weeks now Jamie and I have been scouting for a place to geotag our pictures. Geotagging is the process of adding geographical identification, usually latitude and longitude coordinates, to various media such as websites or images.

I just wanted to see pin dots on a map where I took pictures and the images I captured there. We browsed through some sites, some that charged a fee to host your image, some that required additional software (like Google Earth) but the free no-download solution is Platial.com. No money and I can link to my photos already uploaded to Flickr.

Another kewl feature is being able to create group maps. I created an Alaska Railroad group map and John from Alaskarails has already tagged a bunch of his photos.

Just what I needed. Another diversion :-p

How much for shipping?

2006-01-31T14:36:00.000-09:00

I didn't even know Anchorage was for sale. Did anybody tell Krista's boyfriend?

Maybe that's why the listing is for concrete fasteners. Its a trick to make us buy concrete fasteners to keep Anchorage in place? Naaaah. That would never work. We've got earthquakes .

Mmmmmm, Entrails!

2006-01-30T12:00:00.000-09:00

As if the previously posted knitted digestive tract weren't enough there's more.

I don't know when knitting gore came in vogue but its here and I was on it months ago. Now go knit yourself up a nice cozy liver to snuggle with.

More beutiful art made with kintting can be found here. Special thanks to Erika, via Krista.

12oz Sugar Free Vanilla Breve

2006-01-28T23:23:00.000-09:00

12oz Sugar Free Vanilla Breve, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Some days a cup of coffee is more than just a cup of coffee. For instance, the day he met her.

It was a Tuesday and it is vivid for him because of her. She was in line a few people before him and she ordered a something something something with a shot of something and a sprikle of this or that and all four others in line rolled their eyes. She was complicated.

By the time he ordered and got his drink she was still at the condiment stand mixing and adding and adjusting and altering her drink till it was just so. He merely wanted a stir stick.

"What was that you ordered?" He didn't wait for an answer and immediately introduced himself, offering her his hand. She turned and left.

She lingered in his thoughts all day and the next day she was there at the espresso stand again. Ordering that something something something.

And soon they met.

Dream Home

2006-01-26T22:09:00.000-09:00

Dream Home, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Once upon a time a boy met a girl and, while they may have appeared to be a man and a woman, they were still very much children. The man asked for the woman's hand, which she gave and they started collecting things. Amongst their first possesions came a house. Then the furnishings, first as block and board shelves and a card table, then kit built book cases and a do-it-yourself, Sears ordered, bolt together picnic table and finally a proper bookcase and a real dining set.

But with suburbia comes responsibility: taxes and bills and upgrades and remodeling and lawn care and maintenance.

One day the boy and the girl came home to a smoking hole in the ground.

All their responsibilities had succumbed to a faulty part in an electrical gizmo assembled by a slave laborer in a foreign land barely able to care for himself, let alone his family. And that slave laborer had not known the joy of being fresh from college with a block and board bookshelf and card table. And that no wage worker had no use for a kit built book case and no clue what a do-it-yourself, Sears ordered, bolt together picnic table was. And a proper proper bookcase and a real dining set were unimaginable to him.

The boy and the girl were devastated. The life they had accumulated was a smoldering hole in the ground. They moved to a motel with the clothes on their backs and their separate vehicles and began contemplating the reaccumulation.

After weeks and weeks of discussion and tears the girl was inconsolable. One day the boy came back to what passed as their home early and left this present and this note.

Fitting (top)

2006-01-26T21:54:00.000-09:00

Fitting (top), originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Copper welded to copper, greening with age. Theres a valve off to the left and a drain plug on the bottom and the purpose of a big old piece of pipe on the garage's second level is beyond me.

The surface came from the factory roughed up but theres also a smoothness to it. It must be that its cast brass rather than smooth copper tubing?

The building is not that old and this pipe, while in the open air gets minimal exposure. The oxidization will keep going until some maintenance guy comes along with a wire brush and some solvent.

Barrels

2006-01-24T22:26:00.000-09:00

Barrels, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Is that bottled up democracy in there? 1781. Five years after the revolution. It was a good year. I scarcely remember it.

Barrels worry me. Ever since The Return of the Living Dead (1985) and the broken open barrels of brain eating zombies I have shied away from them. Ooh. Look. That one on the right is all rusty and ready to hatch like the first Alien from Kane's chest on the Nostromo. But there's no such thing as zombies or aliens. Is there?

Certainly nobody has ever put anything dangerous in a 55 gallon drum. Not in suburbia. Not in my neighborhood. Not staggering, dragging one leg behind you, arms outstretched moaning "brains" distance from my office desk. They wouldn't.

Mmmmm. Brains.

Hiatus

2006-01-20T10:58:00.000-09:00

Hiatus, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Sun Setting Through Snow

2006-01-19T23:07:00.000-09:00

Sun Setting Through Snow, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

The comings and goings of the sun and moon and constellations are something I have taken for granted most of my life. Of late I have paid more attention. I am tuning myself to the earth's rhythms. Synching myself to her core. Its nice to keep tabs on what the moon is doing, knowing which phase we're headed into and what to expect on a cold and starry night. As a far northerner I have always been accutely aware of the solstices and paid some attention to the equinoxes but not they seem more important.

They, and I'm not quite sure who they are but, they say "with age comes wisdom." I don't think thats necessarily true. I think with age comes awareness. I am at an age where the sun setting is important to me. I am at an age where the sun rising is even more important. Yes, this is me mourning the passing of my youth. I declare myself officially aged. I won't be old till my ashes rise from the funeral pyre but I can be aged (and I'm not talking wine and chesse aged).

I am an adult now. I have bred and need to see them through to adulthood. I have obligations, financial, moral and societal and as an adult I aim to keep them.

I am aware of what I can control that matters, what I can control that doesn't matter and what I cannot control. I will make changes where I can when it is necessary and I will lay still when it is necessary and I have the opportunity.

For years I have embraced "economy of motion." Something I came up with that involves a combination of the path of least resistance and doing what needs to be done. Not lazy but leisurely. Not excessive but certainly hedonistic.

Just yesterday I learned that the Indian Vedic phylosophy emphasises "economy of effort." They stole my idea thousands of years before I was born. Who'd have thunk it?

The snow falls and I cannot stop it from falling, nor do I want to. I will praise the sun for shining down on me every day and I will thank the sun when it rises for shining on me on the morrow.

I sit here as the sun sets and the snow falls and I am as in the moment as I can be.

Abandoned

2006-01-18T22:42:00.000-09:00

Abandoned, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Professionally I wander. I go places, however urban they might appear from the outside, that haven't seen people in years. I go to back yards and back lots and the wilds of the city. Sometimes only to define their boundaries other times as a preparation to taming them.

A lot of people have just walked away from their stuff. A lot of stuff has been abandoned in place.

This old truck was something once. It was ore that became iron. It was iron that was forged and formed into steel. It was steel that was welded and bolted to become truck. It was truck which hauled.

Did it drive to Alaska or was it shipped? Was it a happy young couple planning on starting a family when they arrived or some barron of commerce adding to his industrial fleet? Was it used for chores or just getting around or industry and development? Did someone learn to drive behind its wheel? How many someones?

I come across and abandoned truck and I ask it, "Truck. What stories do you have to tell me?" It sits in stony silence as it slowly melts away.

Silenced?

2006-01-17T23:01:00.000-09:00

Silenced?, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

What does it take to get some peace and quiet around here? Do I have to, um, well, I guess that's not going to work.

My ass is sore. You've been chewing on it since the moment I walked in.

No, I'm not going to clean up in the kitchen right now. No, I'm not going to take out the garbage right now. No, I'm not going to clean off the dining room table right now. No! No! NO!

No, YOU be quiet. I've got this roll of masking tape. DON'T make me use it. Is that a dare? Is that right? You don't think so? Guess again little missy.

Now where did I put those handcuffs?

Cold Play

2006-01-16T21:57:00.000-09:00

Cold Play, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Every kid anywhere in the world will tell you that nothing beats recess on a well equiped playground. Any kid in Alaska will tell you that it sucks getting cold on said well equiped playground.

I spent years on the playgrounds in Valdez as a kid. I remember all the time spent playing King of the Hill, even with the kid with the broken arm. I remember the snow being piled so high that the swings had to be swung over the top rail to shorten them just to swing and you had to almost duck to get under that top rail because the chains had been shortened so much.

On the park strip in Valdez we had a two story rocket shaped spiral slide. If we weren't sliding down it into the inevitable slab of ice that formed at the bottom then we were climbing up it, our own personal Everest. The bigger kids would scale the exterior while the smaller kids would slide down. Many a day I spent morning, lunch and afternoon recess on that slide and many off those days, when I hadn't worn snow pants, my ass was frozen but I don't ever remember complaining about it.

Happy Green Frog

2006-01-15T21:47:00.000-09:00

Happy Green Frog, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

I think I could be a happy green frog. Happy Green Frog has been in our house for a few years now. I'm not sure where he came from, or how, or why, but he's here and he's been around. Whether its kids throwing him or dogs chewing on him Happy is always, well, happy.

I think I could learn a lot from Happy Green Frog. He doesn't seem to get too upset when he's held underwater in the bathtub, squeezed (to make bubbles) and released (to suck water up his butt to be squirted back out). From this I could learn patience. He doesn't seem to mind being chewed on by Mimi the Merciless (although his paint is starting to wear). From this i could learn to take an ass chewing (hopefully not so literally). Most of the time he just sits and watches with that grin on your face.

Oh little green budha of suburbia how I admire your resolve.

My new mantra: "I am one with the Happy Green Frog."

Relic of an Ice Age That Hasn't Happened

2006-01-14T22:12:00.000-09:00

Relic of an Ice Age That Hasn't Happened, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Petroglyph, if the beer hasn't rendered me illiterate, is the word that describes something left by an ancient for us to interpret now, whenever now may be.

This petroglyph has been rendered in ice and, while I'm not certain where I should go with the interpretation, I know it was left for me. Well, maybe it was left for me and a few thousand otheres, because it is in town square, right in front of everybody, but it has some special significance to me. Or should it?

Round House; Square House

2006-01-13T23:58:00.000-09:00

Round House; Square House, originally uploaded by Bearded Jon.

Intrinsically I think most true Alaskans have a bit of McGuyver in them. Take what you've got and make it work. My next door neighbor at the office, for example, started with a quonset hut that has grown into a ciropractic clinic. It probably has been a dozen other things in its life but it certainly started as a quonset and has grown.

Alaskan architecture is a lot like that. It starts as something and morphs into something else until somebody, often times the government, comes along and says enough is enough and the whole thing comes crashing down with the assistance of heavy machinery.

So I'm looking out the window this afternoon, just looking for something my camera will take to, and the arched portion of my neighbor's structure caught my eye. By gosh there's a quonset next door and until my camera pointed it out I hadn't noticed. And like most Alaskan quonsets it had a series of growths; a room added here, another added there, an arctic entry slapped on for good measure, you get the picture. And I wonder what its like to live in an arched structure. I can't see it being easy to hang a picture. I can't see it being easy to hang anything.

Someday I will have to spend some time in a quonset. Someday I have to know.